About Me.

I have learned many things this summer. I learned about the fascinating history of my family and of our house in Cap Camarat. I discovered some of the missing pieces in the puzzle of my great-grandmother's life, dug deep into the stories of each relative to determine what really happened and what kind of person she truly was. I learned about the personalities of long lost relatives, discovering the amazing cousins I have living here in France. (I spoke a lot today about Ludo, whom I bonded with very much and deeply adore, and of Laurence, who helped me immensely and who I regard with tremendous respect, and of Sylvia, who took me in as family when I needed it even though she would have preferred to have the house to herself.) I learned about the aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents I always knew, but never knew. They are amazing each in their own unique way, each of whom I know feel closer to than I ever could have imagined.

I had a three-hour lunch with Grandma & Papa today, chatting about our family and le Chêne en Croix. It was amazing. Learning French, discovering the culture, putting off the rest of my life were some of the primary reasons why I came here and have been amazing. But I stayed so long, with so many people, to learn about - to bond with - my family. And that’s certainly what I did.

But most of all, I learned more about myself than I could have ever dreamed. I learned about how I can survive, about struggling to acquire a language I'm terrible at mastering, about adapting to a new life, new jobs, new surroundings. I learned that I can do things I never before had faith in myself to do – without the help of Mommy of Daddy or good friends by my side. I learned that I draw people in because I am so drawn to people - and I love that. I've learned that I really do have people skills and I can write decently and PR was certainly the field for me. I learned that I'm not so fat and ugly - for walking through the streets of St. Tropez I often find myself wondering whether or not what that man said or did would be considered sexual harassment in the States. (Most of time I know it would be and instead I just wonder how much I'd get if I sued.)

One quality - or a mixture of a few, I guess - that I discovered within myself is something that I never knew was so prominent. Yes, I am obviously ambitious. I graduated high school far too young, completed college in three years, had more internships and miscellaneous jobs than most especially while overloading in classes. I can get a job or get into Ivy League schools or whatever. But I had no idea it was... well, overwhelming my other side.

I first heard this in June when Becca was here and told me that she imagined me to be too free-spirited to be tied down and suffocated by the particular man we were discussing. I was shocked. We hardly knew each other but simply through the stories told by my parents and brother, this very sweet woman had deduced that I was the independent, self-sufficient type of girl. During our long lunch today my grandparents told me that I am independent and free-spirited and they are possibly my two-best/strongest qualities. Papa said - and apparently has always believed - that I will be the first woman president. What?! Even my new friend in Texas, who has just begun to know me, joked that I reminded him of the successful-career-executive-take charge-type, like Demi Moore in "Disclosure" (without - as he so kindly put ;-) - the sexual assault aspect). Even before I came here I turned to my best friend from college and said, “I can’t believe I’m actually going to go live in France.” She made a face and responded, “Realy? I can. I’m not surprised at all. You always do what you want no matter how challenging it may be.” (Thank you, Shannon, for always having so much faith in me long before I ever had faith in myself.) Someone even once told me that no one’s going to want to marry me because no man wants to take on the challenge of taming my wild spirit.

I can’t believe it. My grandmother insists that I will be a successful CEO, that working for good money and success is important to me. I disagree. But no matter how much I argued, the facts were against me.

My track record shows me as this kind of person. But all I want is to fall in love, have a storybook romance, have healthy and happy kids, keep a wonderful family. I don’t care how big my house is or what kind of luxuries we can afford. Sure, it’d be nice to keep a connection to this part of France, but I’m realistic. It’s pricey. I don’t have big dreams of climbing the corporate ladder or owning my own business or being famous for my work. I’d love to be the president’s press secretary – but I know that’s not going to happen. I’ve always wanted to write a book that someday is required reading (like “To Kill A Mockingbird”) and though my great friend in high school Amanda Coskie told me I would – I still don’t believe her. I’d love a job that requires me to travel to France – but I don’t expect to be the best at it. Nor do I care if I am or am not.

My dreams are to have a house and a family and a loving husband and a dog. I’d like to go sailing again sometime. I’d like to visit the south of France every so often for the rest of my life. I’d like to have a lot of fun being young and gain the self-restraint to not eat ice cream after every meal. But I’m really, honestly, easily satisfied.

Is that hard to believe?